Work/Life Balance: It’s reasonable

As a behavioral health practitioner, I encourage people to find a magical equilibrium between expectations from others and self. This is usually masked by the more accepted term “work/life balance”.

Work/life balance aligns our duty to others (productivity/work), with personal care (the “life” part). Modern conveniences provide vast opportunities to engage in social and professional activities, but often upset our efforts for balance.

So how are we to achieve this possibly elusive task of creating balance in a world with numerous demands?

Well, my friend, that is a great question. My response: be true to you!

Great people have great stories. What these stories tell us is balance looks and acts differently. There are strong women who embrace their drive and live their best lives dedicated to their professional craft. There are equally strong women who focus solely on the raising of little ones. Great men and women intentionally fill their lives with meaningful work and engagements that embody their character.

The common denominator: self-acceptance. Great people know and accept themselves. Accepting personal likes and dislikes, talents and areas of lesser strength, motivate great people to forge paths in line with their passions. The passion-focused life creates the balance between personal and professional efforts. 

This is great for the Greats, but how does this apply to everyone else? And this is where I get to be (and have been) a part of others’ greatness.

Step 1: Self-evaluation

It is difficult to venture when we lack direction, so the first step is truly understanding what moves you. This might be looking what excited you when you were five, or it was that class that you actually showed up for on time, or that topic you keep bringing up in conversations. Your “thing” is that which lights the fire within, like the story with “Anne”. Anne came to me for relationship guidance. She explained her need to learn effective communication to manage her multiple relationships, which was the initial direction to our sessions. Through discovery, we learned she enjoys creative thinking, problem solving, and spending time with her thoughts, all aspects we incorporated into her relationships.

Step 2. What is already working?

Once we gain a decent understanding of (and appreciation for) who we are, we move on to seeing how we already successfully incorporate this into our lives. Humans prefer pleasure to pain, so no matter how imbalanced or stressed we may feel, our lives will include something that sparks joy. Like in a session, Anne and I were discussing her recent work experience. As she shared her work story, her eyes brightened as she discussed a certain aspect of her job. She excitedly shared occasions she had free reign to independently use her creative thinking and problem solving. I noted her reactions, which motivated her to consider ways she could creatively incorporate more of this activity.

Step 3: Find what does NOT work.

Balancing just focuses on doing more fulfilling things and less non-fulfilling. Of course, there will be things we “have to do”, but even these can be adjusted. The key is finding those triggers/situations/tasks that evoke resentment, anxiety, depression, anger, withdrawal, and/or procrastination. Anne learned that though she preferred her independence and alone time, her relationships required much attention. Feeling the pull, Anne put the others’ emotional demands before her desires. This evoked resentment for the relationships that should be bringing pleasure. Anne and I worked to identify exactly what did not work and created a plan to stop this pattern.

Step 4: Replace what does not work.

Now that we identified the culprit, we must replace it. This can be a daunting task, since if it was that easy, we would already be doing it. This is when we get creative with what we enjoy. And this may be where some outside perspective may help. We remind ourselves of our passions and see how to use these to replace the things that do not work. What can you use to replace the things that don’t fit?

In Anne’s case, we found she needs “date night.” When Anne sets boundaries with her relationships AND has one night a week that she exercises her much valued freedom, she can fully enjoy her relationships. Anne becomes excited to spend time with her relationships. Also, this individual time for Anne to engage in creative thought helps her implement new strategies in her work that increase her happiness there.

Step 5: Observe and adjust.

Of course, life goes on and humans are imperfect. This imperfection offers continuous opportunities to evaluate and adjust to our circumstances. Anne learned the importance of personal time when she experienced more stress during the weeks she opted out of her date night. Opposed to viewing her stress levels as failures, Anne identified the causal relationship between freedom and stress levels. This realization also helped her hold her personal boundaries within her relationships, for without her freedom she cannot be present for others.

Anne’s story is one of many that illustrate how individuals can move towards their own work/life balance. The secret lies in finding personal drives and embracing these. Finding what motivates you, what you are already doing successfully, and the things that do not work and replace them. Intentionally evaluating and adjusting will help you find the balance that best fits YOUR ideal life.

Then live it.

Then let me know what was and was not successful during your journey by commenting on this article.